Myself a Philosopher?

Friday 2nd December 2005 (Extracted LiveJournal Article)

Since I can remember I’ve always had a keen interest for almost everything I can comprehend. This though has had the drawback of limiting my ability to specialize in any form of particular knowledge base.

During my years of education despite my ability to understand the subjects I had chosen my strength of will fluctuated so strongly I repetitively lost interest in my endeavours and completely failed or significantly under-minded my potential ability. This though wasn’t total, but significant enough to hold me back from everyone else or my true potential ability. I would eventually retain the interest and motivation to continue (anywhere from minutes, hours to days and even months) but usually too late to make allowance for lost time during final examination. My continued inability to maintain focus had cost me quite dearly.

I even now feel compelled to leap from subject-to-subject not following any particular career path or specialist area of engagement.

In hindsight it would seem an attention/concentration deficiency of some sort. This if true though, its effects on myself are diminishing with time, more recently because now I believe I know how to successfully challenge myself and overcome these deficiencies more or less as a system of learning other then an opposition to it.

There have been times more recent then aged I have pondered my place in this world and the meaning for my existence. I consider myself more then just an in-particular life-form with a determined fate of oblivious existence. I know I hold potential in what I do not completely understand, and have a strong interest towards environmentalism and believe I am at-least capable of supporting humanity in this area in some hopefully significant manner.

This has though the additional drawback of new spontaneous levels of interest towards areas of knowledge I previous new nothing of. It would seem the more I learn the more I want to know. As my horizons are broadened the more widespread my curiosity becomes.

I have been contemplating my ability to maintain focus if I keep jumping between knowledge subjects. How can I become proficient at something if I am forced to learn everything in unison?

This has led to my intention to establish some form of groundwork to identify relevance to the subjects I have chosen to pursue. I have realized all my actions despite how seemingly irrelevant must lead to a bigger reason or goal for which I am to pursue. Without such things my actions may hold very little reason and come with very little rewards. I would then become my worst nightmare ‘an in-particular life-form with a determined fate of oblivious existence’.

More recently I discovered Philosophy and the Scientific study of the Wave Structure of Matter. How this came to be was quite erratic and seemingly by chance more then anything else.

What must be understood is that before such a discovery the such was also true. The meaning of ‘Philosophy’ in its true sense was not understood by me, and the study of the WSM and Physics in general were not previous areas of interest to me earlier in life so I knew very little about it and in the case of WSM wasn’t even aware of its existence if only in theory.

During my educational years, I purposely avoided physics or any advanced form of science by the assumption I would be destined to fail and that I couldn’t understand such things sufficiently at any rate to make such a choice worthwhile. This was the result of earlier failures brought around by my inability to maintain continuous interest on the task at hand.

I have more recently also started to touch base on many of the major areas of science, physics and mathematics in an attempt to try and make up for lost ground. I was surprised by the lack of difficulty I was presented with. I had assumed it was too technical for my understanding. I am though still challenged by my new endeavours but now realize I am not just capable of learning these subjects, I also obtain a understanding of them. Such a thing must implicitly be the sole-reason for learning anything in the first place. I am now aware of my potential and are very regretful of the weaknesses I had fallen to earlier in life.

Quite surprisingly I had discovered the close relationship Philosophy has with Science, especially in the field of understanding reality and devising accurate propositions towards natures laws and cause and effect. Another result of ignorance maybe, so how could I have discovered the relevance of Philosophy if I failed to study its context?

There are many subjects of education I had overlooked, another example is Buddhism. I had always maintained a prejudice outlook on Buddhism and had assumed it as another religion to which humanity had fallen into. With ignorance I had remained unawares of the true nature of Buddhism and am now aware true Buddhism is an educational system and holds very little if any relationship towards religion and superstition.

I was also surprised to find Buddhism closely related towards Philosophy and therefore even science and the study of reality.

It was after I had become aware of all of these connections and significantly broadened my perception of reality and life that I enlightened myself and finally determined the (maybe not meaning of but) path I truly believe I am suppose to follow to gain a hold on myself and meet my potential.

This I have come to now believe is Philosophy and the Study of Reality and everything that constitutes to it that is.

I do still find it hard to consider myself a Philosopher. At the age of 25 am I too young to even contemplate being one? I’ve previously held strong stereotypical views toward Philosophers as ancient and aged ramblers of incoherent terms and are now regretting this ignorance as through lack of knowledge I developed invalid concepts towards reality which I am now trying to rectify.

~ by dablin on 20080503.